


A piece of perfection

by 21sailors



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Fatherhood, Loss, Parents & Children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 13:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21sailors/pseuds/21sailors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Life goes on for Killian and his daughter, as the lonesome pirate reflects on fatherhood. (Written for "Captain Swan Saturdays" on Tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A piece of perfection

How easily he would die for her if he had to.

_You're the only thing I didn't bloody spoil here. Yet._

This perfect little thing. His perfect tiny lass.

She was Emma's last gift to him, she was her second saviour. Was such a blessing meant to last? He only hoped she would never meet her mother's fate.

Becoming a father never felt quite right. How come he deserved to create life, when he'd taken so many? How come he became the one responsible to guide her down this winding road, when he'd struggled to stay on course, for so many centuries, through lands and seas? He found wicked grandeur in provoking death yet life had tricked him into living.

Emma had shattered his vain illusions, shaped and moulded another world for him. But she, she was the perfection who crushed his heart.

Her fingers, soft and unspoiled, always left a warm sensation on his skin when she reached for him and buried her face in the crook of his neck, desperate to take comfort. Her vanilla locks, often wrapped in an elegant bun, invariably contrasted with his dark attire. Her delicate lips never uttered a single reproach to him, as she spoke only divine words. Her eyes, as blue as the shining waters from the old mermaid's lagoon, never looked at him without the utmost adoration.

Standing next to her and accepting the privilege of being called her father drove him crazy. As time went by, he had become more and more obsessed: obsessed with the idea such perfection was out of its place with a man like him and would nothing but rot.

Since Emma's death, he had been fighting to hide from his daughter's eyes the misery worming in his veins. After a few years, he had mastered the trick but he knew too well he was standing on loose grounds.

Obsessions convinced him he was an undeserving bastard. They were now eating up his insides and blurring his vision. He could not think straight anymore.

It should have been enough though, to see his daughter truly happy around him. It should have appeased this tormented mind. But it never had, knowing she could have had it all, knowing the woman who had given life to their daughter had been so violently taken from them. The once feisty pirate had been left here, in the middle, obsessed with what could have been and what would be.

He felt guilty for bringing her up into this world, motherless as much as fatherless. He felt guilty for creating such perfection and yet being unable to offer the perfect live she deserved. Despite his apparent vices and the most hidden ones, she had only eyes for him. And he would eternally loathe drawing all of his daughter's attention to him.

She would grow up some day and would lose her illusions, just as Emma would have, had she lived a bit longer. He had no doubts.

Hook was no more but a strange feeling of remorse never left, vivid, insatiable, unwary.

"I know you're watching me lass. Go back to sleep, I'll be leaving soon."

Killian's gaze never left the stars. In her bed, the girl remained silent yet didn't stop staring worriedly at her father, leaned against the open window frame.

"You're scaring me today. I won't be able to sleep you know."

She was wrapped in her bed sheets, holding on to them tightly. Killian had not expected to hear her voice. He finally tore his gaze away from the sky, fearing what the girl would say next.

Confusion was bright in his eyes.

"I know you want to leave."

The girl had shyly spoken. He could not hold her stare any longer, he was upset.

Where could he ever leave? His presence was nowhere tolerated. However, the pirate had thought many times about sailing the ship far away from this land but he could never bear the idea of depriving his daughter of grandparents and above all of a proper education. Knowledge was her chance at accomplishing tremendous things, far from any magical plot. He firmly intended to keep his daughter away from magic, as he promised himself a few years before. Emma was still by his side at that time.

"We'll just stick together anyway, right?"

He could sense the fear running through her body, as she waited for her father to speak his mind. Killian sat on the edge of the bed as his daughter rested her head on the fluffy pillow, a sad smile on her lips. He ran his thumb under her eyes, lovingly

"I'm not leaving you behind. If I ever leave, you'll come with me. You're the perfection who crushed my heart after all."

 

**"Your breath is like fine incense rising into the sky.**

**Lesbos and the Hydra's sailors, if they saw you there**

**Unveiled would take you for the Dawn with your star-filled hair."**

**Victor Hugo. IX  
translated by Geoffrey Barto**

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I could quote Victor Hugo all the time. It's a shame his poetry is hard to be found in english.  
> Thank you for reading, of course.


End file.
